This Is Why You’re Not Happy

Jess Holliday
4 min readMay 17, 2021


Do you feel unhappy, alone, unsupported, or unheard?

Are you looking for ways to make you feel happy?

Well, what if I told you that you will never find happiness!?


If you’re looking for happiness, you’ll never find truly sustainable happiness that way. Really and truly.

If you’re looking for happiness in something or somewhere outside of yourself, you’re looking in the wrong place!

I want you to be happy.

I want you to be free from the blocks that hold you back in life. That’s why I want to share with you my step-5 method to happiness so that you can cultivate happiness every day.

Society has programmed us to think we can find happiness in things, places, or circumstances, maybe even buy happiness with money, status, shopping, or substitute happiness with drugs, or alcohol, but we’ve got it backward.

How many of us have said something like this:

‘When I get this… then I’ll be happy.”

“When I get this job, that house, that partner… then I’ll be happy.”
“When I get this client, that success, that outcome, then I’ll be happy.”
“When I get the all-clear, then I’ll be happy.”
“When they apologize, then I’ll be happy.”
“When they behave better, then I’ll be happy.”

When your happiness is conditional on something external, it’s a sign that you’re putting the source of your happiness outside of yourself.

In psychology, we call this the locus of control.

Fundamentally, our stress and suffering (aka unhappiness) come from wanting people, places, or things to be different. When we have an expectation about a specific outcome we want, we’re trying to control something that is outside of our control.

This is an external locus of control.

According to Buddhist philosophy, the basic condition of happiness is freedom.

So that means if you’re caught in sadness or regret about the past, or if you are anxious about what will happen to you in the future, not only are these things outside of your control, but also it means you’re not free to enjoy the many wonders of life that are available in the here and now.

The key thing to remember, and the secret of happiness, is that we never FIND happiness. We choose happiness.

Happiness is not a thing, not a place. It’s not found in our physical realities, happiness is a practice, it’s a state of mind we cultivate from within.

This is an internal locus of control.

We have to make it a habit of being happy. Our only job is to, bit by bit, become aware of and remove the blocks that get in the way of our happiness, and therein lies the key to our contentment.

Here are my top 5 tips on how to practice choosing happiness every day (you can also watch it here

1. Give gratitude for what is working in your life now.

2. Stop looking for happiness outside of yourself. Stop the when-thens and start with the have-nows, feel happiness and contentment within.

3. Breathe. take a moment to get out of your mind and come into your body. Be present. Happiness is the harvest of a quiet mind. Anchor your thoughts on peace, poise, security, and divine guidance and your mind will be productive of happiness.

4. Make a new declaration for yourself: wake up every morning and declare for yourself:

“Today, I choose to be happy.” Just for today, I will not be angry, I will not worry, and I will be grateful for the miracles in every moment.”

5. Accept people, places, and things just as they are. Understand that there is no block to your happiness, it is our thoughts & beliefs that create our personal realities (our projection of reality), so practice being content with what is and ponder on acceptance, happiness, peace, prosperity to create a different reality.

Ultimately, this is all about your freedom.

If you’re caught in the past or anxious about the future, then you’re not truly free to enjoy the here and now.

You have the ability to carry your own weather, to choose your response, and you can choose happiness.

Our personal, relative truths (our perceived realities) are created from what we believe.

If you wake up and choose to believe the world is against you, or that you’re a failure, then that is the reality that is spoken into existence and created for you.

So make it a habit to speak your happiness into existence. Choose happiness, be content with what you have, create a reality around that, energise that.

Accepting things for how they are and not how you’d like them to be will help you get along with yourself and others in a more harmonious way.

It’s one of the fastest ways to peace.




Jess Holliday

I write about self-realisation, spirituality, consciousness, practical philosophy, life-hacks and productivity.